The Stages of Crafting

Whether its big/little week, birthdays, Christmas, or Hanukkah, presents are necessary, and as college kids we are too poor to get good ones. For this reason, crafting exists and is here to save the day. Thank God glitter is $5, and the stuff lasts forever. Seriously…after one day of crafting with glitter you will find it in your hair weeks later. The reality of crafting differs greatly from the idealistic vision we have of being the next Martha freakin Stewart; this is basically how we realize that crafting is just a glittery hell that we only visit because we are poor as fuck.

The Pinterest Search- We are all guilty of binge pinning for hours when we saw Pinterest was one of the top sites when we opened Safari to do something productive like check our email. It happens. You probably have a secret board with millions of gift ideas that you always say you will do one day and forget about after clicking that pin button. The difficult part is picking the one right for your recipient. Any of them seem perfectly nice, but you have to gage how it will look made by YOUR two hands. It's harder than it looks.

The Craft Store Shopping Spree- So you have a mental list of all the shit you need to paint your canvas or mason jar or homemade candle or whatever. Too bad that after you walk into that store you will pick up every colorful item you see before you find anything that you set out to get. IT'S A TRAP. Everything looks so pretty, and it’s so easy to think it might come in handy. Like, How did you go this long without 200 rolls of polka dotted ribbon and 500 different colors of scrapbook paper? You clearly need to get two of everything for future crafting endeavors. Then you find the canvases after getting at least one item from every other aisle in the store. $237.99 later you have anything you could possibly need. Too bad the shade of blue paint you bought is TOTALLY WRONG for the beach scene you want to paint. And it’s back to the craft store you go…

Creating Artwork- You put on Taylor Swift’s new album and get to work. You try to mimic the picture on Pinterest, but you greatly overestimated your artistic talent and you can’t seem to stay in the lines. Like what the fuck was preschool for if you can’t stay inside the lines when painting a cute quote on a canvas? Acrylic paint is a little different than the finger paint we used back then, but you will still manage to get it all over you despite your best efforts. It doesn't look right but you’re over this by now, so you set it out to dry.

Giving the Gift- You wrap it up in a bag that looks nicer than the actual gift. Your friend appreciates the effort, creativity, and time you spent planning and making such a thoughtful gift. They love their monogram that you painted in the middle of the lilly pulitzer pattern you copied. If the person receiving the gift doesn't appreciate it, you need new friends. Life's too short to waste time crafting for assholes.

Happy Crafting…and for every wine glass you paint, reward yourself with a glass of wine :)