Types of Girls at Superbowl Sunday

Its super bowl sunday. That’s right, this is your excuse to drink too much this weekend (as if you needed one), and it is your day to put on your cute jersey and post a picture “watching the game” at your favorite fraternity house. This is the day you get potential future sweetheart bonus points for bro-ing down and enjoying a good football game. If you are into football and actually have kept up with a team in the superbowl, you will actually have a good time yelling at the television and making fun of the guy who bet a large sum of money on the team with the quarterback who fumbled the ball in the first few seconds of the game (not your team of course). Super Bowl sunday is your time to decide whether you are going to be a great bro or a straight up hoe. Its up to you.

Just because you know how important a first down is, you matched the amount of beers most of your fraternity friends drink, and you are the first to yell “fuck” when the other team scores a touchdown, doesn’t mean you are any less of a lady. There are 364 other days of the year to act cute and girly, but superbowl sunday is your day to bro-down. If you actually know what you are talking about, and you can argue if something was a pass interference or a false start, you are welcome to be in this category of total bro superbowl party goer. Some guys actually like if they can discuss the game with you...some may even enjoy using football sexual innuendos (“Do you want to fumble?” “Do you play football? because you got a tight end” “Do you prefer two hand touch or full contact?” “I would love to touchdown in your endzone”...the list is endless). This is AMERICA, so you are encouraged to enjoy the game with a cold beer in your hand just like our founding fathers did, and by founding fathers, I mean the ones that founded your favorite fraternity.

There is a second type of Super Bowl party goer that I guarantee you that at least half of you readers are: the cheerleader. You bought the sparkly pink jersey with the hottest player’s number on it from whatever team had more apparel choices at the store and that made your boobs look nice. Within minutes of arriving at the fraternity house, you took 2,500 pictures of your fam, and you will most likely spend the first two quarters of the game choosing the right instagram filter. When other people cheer for a team you add a typical sorority girl “woo!” even though you aren’t even sure what team you just cheered for. If someone asks who you are rooting for, you are most likely to respond with “whatever team wins”, and that is a fine choice. You are okay with the noise throughout the game, but when the halftime show comes on or the commercial with the puppies, you require silence and concentration. There is nothing wrong with being this girl. I think some guys like a girl who has no idea how football works because it makes them feel like they are cool or whatever for explaining the game to you, and you can’t argue with their opinion. Guys feel more manly if you act like a straight up girl.

For the love of God, DO NOT be one of those girls who tweets about it being a “great game” only to get a response about some fake player doing some fake play. If you respond to “wasn’t it great when *insert name of non-football player here* caught that interception?” with “omg of course that was the best!”, please delete all social media accounts because you clearly can’t handle it. If you are clueless, be honest with your true-self and don’t pretend to know what is happening. In the end, it doesn’t matter if you are a total bro or a total babe on SuperBowl sunday, the frat guys still enjoy seeing your hot piece of ass in their house, so there is no need to deny which of these categories you fit into...embrace that shit and be yourself.