Why Pizza Is Better Than Guys

Okay, so we are all aware of how pizza solves all of life’s problems, and most of those problems are caused by guys. Why is this? Well, firstly foods before dudes. There is a logic behind this other than the fact that food is delicious. Let’s take a look at what science says about pizza, and by science, I mean Twitter fun facts.

Pizza is proven to help prevent esophogial cancer. Cancer sucks. You don’t want it, so eat pizza. Also, you don’t want your friends to die, so get pizza with them.

Pizza doesn't talk, so it can’t say anything to piss you off- Boys are great at saying stuff to make us mad. They are also great at texting other hoes at the same time. Pizza doesn't do this. Pizza can’t get mad at you, can’t annoy you, and most certainly can't leave you.

Carbs and sex both release endorphins, but you don't get attached to pizza like you do to boys- Endorphins make you happy. The happiness pizza gives you will be much more satisfying because you obtained that joy all on your own.

It's easier to dress a pizza up in exactly what you want. Boys resist changing their clothes (turns out guys don’t like being a real-life Ken doll). We have all wanted to build-a-boy (million dollar business alert), but you can’t make them do what you want them to do or be who you want them to be. Pizza can be made EXACTLY how you want it to be made. There is peporoni, bacon, extra cheese, jalapenos, onions, peppers, basically anything. Also, the 50 cent upcharge costs a lot less than a $50 vineyard vines bowtie for a guy who hates getting dressed up.

Pizza asks for nothing in return- Pizza gives you all the pleasure you want and you don't need to do anything for pizza. Guys always expect sex, but pizza gets inside of you without the possibility of getting pregnant.

Can you think of a time you cried because pizza wronged you? Your favorite pizza place may have been closed when you wanted it, but you can always make pizza or get one you can throw in the oven real quick. Pizza itself will never do anything wrong.

Pizza likes fat girls. That’s right, there is no need to hit the gym because you don’t need to impress pizza with your slim figure. Pizza prefers that you can eat it all and not feel guilty. So skip the gym and order pizza.

Reversely, all pizza is beautiful. You don’t need to worry about fending off the creepy looking ones and finding a handsome stud. Pizza will always look like perfection regardless of the time, day, place, etc.

Pizza. Simple as that. There doesn’t even need to be an explanation.