Why It Is Your Duty to Keep Up With Football

Whether it's the SEC or the NFL nothing is better than a good football game. As a girl, it’s difficult to imagine how important it is that the right team win a playoff game, but it will be worth it to have this knowledge at your disposal. I personally did not give a damn about football until I got to college. College football is like the gateway drug to a lifetime of Sunday night football on the couch. If your school doesn’t have a football team, or worse, has a sucky one (I am so sorry to hear that), then you need to start keeping up with your hometown NFL team. Why?

1. First, guys love being able to have a beer and watch the game, so if they found a girl that loves the same thing they would be over the friggin moon. Beware though, you can’t fake this, you need to know what he means when he says “the wide end receiver is screwing up the game” or when he gets nervous when it is 4th & 10.

2. Second, you know you love supporting your favorite fraternity during their flag football playoff, but don't you think it is more impressive to tell that hot Alpha Tau Omega exactly how he had a great game? Saying “that was the best interception in flag football history” is a lot better conversation starter than “you’re so dreamy when you sweat and run around with the ball and shit. Did you guys win?”. You want to sound educated when talking to an employer or professor, and this is how you will sound educated to the fraternity boy.

3. Super bowl parties are really fun. Hosting a kick-ass super bowl party requires more than just having the best wings and the right chip and dip combo. You want to be the life of the party by actually talking about the game. Also, it’s a great idea to have everyone put in $5 and bet on who will be ahead each quarter of the game, and I know you don't want to be losing your money.

4. If you go to tailgate, you will probably sober up halfway through the game, so you might as well learn how to watch football so that you can stay for the rest of the game.

5. If you think baseball pants make a guy’s butt look nice, you will be more than happy with how football pants look on a nice booty. The hot butt game is how I got through countless football games in high school before I enjoyed watching the game. Basically how you play is you say the number of a guy with the best butt. The best part is that even someone who is always benched can rise up to win the title, and who doesn’t love a good underdog story?

6. How do you expect to live in AMERICA if you don't like the best pastime there is in this country or any other country for that matter? Football is what makes you an American, so don’t be treasonous, and turn on the football game.

7. God, sweet tea, and the SEC.