Types of Guys That Unfortunately Exist
Guys are literally the worst. As much as you need them for things like hooking up, they tend to fuck up everything else on the face of this planet. There are millions of levels of douchiness the boys of the world can be categorized as, but here are a few that seem to be the most common.
The Tool
This guy wants to get in your pants, and that’s about it. Even if he does like you, he is much too emotionally detached to admit it to you or anyone else. So to show his feelings he will bone other girls. It’s also possible he doesn’t remember your name. There will always be a part of you that wishes you can make this bad boy good for you, but this is 100000% the worst idea ever. These boys are perfect for your run of the mill booty call, but they won’t settle down until they knock some girl up and realize they aren’t getting younger or better looking. Hopefully you are smart enough to ditch him before he reaches that point.
The Friendzone Guy
You keep this guy around because you are “such great friends” even though you know he is madly in love with you. He would literally circle the globe to make you happy, which you definitely appreciate. Unfortunately, this guy is the perfect boyfriend except for the fact that you don’t even find him a little attractive. It sucks because he would give the best Valentine’s Day gifts, and maybe he even does for you anyways. He will give up eventually, so enjoy his generosity while it lasts and try not to break his heart too much.
The Guy with the Wrong Timing
He knows, you know, and everyone else knows that you are a perfect fit. It's too bad that he likes you when you are into someone else, and you decide you like him after he finds a girlfriend. You are at a party and you may think you want to hook up, but one of you ends up with some other drunk person’s tongue down their throats. Unfortunately, this game goes on for too long, and you give up completely on the hope that one day it just might work out. If timing was a friend of ours, it wouldn’t screw us over so often, but it does. It’s easier to accept it and move on. And drink. Drinking will help drown the pain.
The Guy Who Can't Seem to Make A Move
He likes you, but can’t seem to figure out how to show you. You might even like him, but you are not going to make the first move until you have solid evidence of his feelings for you. Also, you’re the girl, and it's important to keep chivalry alive. Face it, you are beautiful, and he’s just intimidated by your perfection. If anything does happen, it will happen at a turtle’s pace, so stay patient or stay on the prowl….it's your choice in this free country.
The Stranger
You guys make eye contact while checking each other out in the elevator or classroom. You instantly fall in love with his handsomely dashing good looks. You stand there trying not to look obvious with your stare and contemplate what words would be fitting to say, so that one day, you might fall in love and live happily ever after. You decide on nothing, and you move on with your life after leaving the shared location with a morsel of regret left behind. One day your paths may cross again, so you can enjoy the eye-candy and continue to not say anything to him to actually pursue your dreams.
The Guy That Wasn't Even On Your Radar
This guy is nothing more than forgettable. You met him a couple of times, he has average looks, and you just didn’t give much thought to his existence for a while. You might have been introduced at a social or hang out with the same friends, but he might as well be invisible. Eventually, when looking through your Facebook friends for a formal date, you remember that he is a perfectly attainable goal. He is the boy version of your target school (not a reach, but not settling). Or, maybe he asked your mutual friend about you remembering how cute you are. Either way, this can sometimes work out, but let’s be real, guys suck so it probably won’t.
The One
Against all odds and after weeding out all of the annoying guys mentioned above, you somehow managed to find a guy that you can tolerate and happens not to be a total jerk. He just so happened to be an acceptable ratio of creepiness to coolness.You call him boyfriend, or if you are annoying as fuck you might call him bae. He watches Netflix with you all day Saturday and buys you tampons and cookie dough, so he’s worth keeping around. You take cute pictures together and pretty much make everyone else in the world sick with your love. I hope you happy bastards break up because you make me want to vomit..and I am a little jealous.
